A Memory Among Dreams
by Lily1186
Summary: I had a dream last night Dean.


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A Memory Among Dreams

Disclaimer: I still do not own anything Supernatural related.

Pairings: Slight Sam/Jessica

Summary:

Author's Note: Sort of AU. This is just a little one-shot that popped into my head while I was trying to finish the last chapter of "Caged."

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I had a dream last night Dean, and when I woke up I knew the truth.

I dreamt of fire and blood and death. I dreamt of you Dean. Of everything that you could have been. Of everything that you should have been.

I remember that you smiled there. In my dream. You looked right at me and you gave me the biggest smile that I had never been given the chance to see. You smiled while a plane was crashing, and glass was breaking all around you. You even smiled as I shot you through the chest. You smiled and you laughed, and I finally felt happiness because we were happy.

I had a dream last night Dean.

I dreamt of the smell of leather and the sound of a car engine starting outside a rest stop near Vermont. I dreamt of the taste of diner food and loud, obnoxiously repetitive music. I dreamt of you. Of everything that you could have said, that you should have said.

Did I mention that you were alive Dean?

That I could see you breathing and hear you coughing and watch you bleeding. God, Dean I could see you bleed. Do you know what I would give just to see you bleed again?

I had a dream last night.

I dreamt of fire and blood and life. I dreamt of everything that you could have done, everything that you were meant to do.

So when I woke up sweating bullets and felt Jessica pull me into her arms I didn't tell her about what I had dreamt.

I didn't tell her that she was supposed to be dead. I didn't demand to know why she was alive and you weren't.

After all, why would I bother asking a question we both already know the answer to. Right, Dean?

It was all because of me. Because I didn't do what I was meant to do. But let's face it Dean, neither did you.

You were never supposed to just leave me. You were supposed to make me go with you, and I was supposed to agree. I see that now.

I see where it all went wrong because it keeps replaying over and over in my head every night when I close my eyes.

I had a dream last night Dean.

And in it you were alive and Jessica was dead, and we spent our lives saving the world from everything evil. From everything that I turned my back on when I let you walk out that door.

I had a dream.

Instead of ashes, you were flesh. Instead of court cases, there was hunting. And instead of death there was life.

There was you.

I had a dream last night Dean…

And you know what? I can't remember why I keep waking up each morning. Because here… here is just a Hell with pretty colors and blank faces.

But there….

There is a life filled with pain and fire…and you.

I had…

Everything.

We were unstoppable you know. We were Good. We were alive. Together. I had visions and you had a strength that rivaled Gods.

I have a secret to tell you Dean.

I still have visions. But even though I can see everything, I can't figure out where your strength went.

I can still see things Dean and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for helping to kill you.

I see everything now. I see everything that I should have seen all those years ago. The things that I should have done, places I should have gone. All of the things that I should have said.

I'm so sorry Dean.

I can still see everything.

That is the one constant that never changes between here and there. The one thing that I had hoped would change. I thought that if I sent you away then I could be normal.

I was wrong.

I had a dream last night Dean.

A dream that came with the realization that I didn't just cost you one life. I cost you the chance to live a million others.

I had a dream Dean…

A Dream that makes me pray for sleep every night…

…for blood stains in the morning…

…and for a fire every late afternoon.

I had a dream last night Dean, and when I awoke you were still gone, and I was still broken.

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Author's note 2: I will probably edit this later on but I wanted some feedback on it so have at it please.

-Lily1186


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